Study participants judged as peripheral the ability of a friend to offer practical help in the form of, say, lending 20 bucks or allowing use of a car.This fact often turns up as a truism in movies, where the obnoxious, lonely rich kid can't understand why always picking up the tab never makes him popular. If anything, it's giving and not receiving that makes us value a friend more.Kathy is one of my oldest friends; we were roommates in graduate school and have been through cross-country moves, divorces, deaths, and births together.
Well, he must be pretty nice." The fondness we feel toward our yoga class buddy will continue to grow if one day she asks for a ride home and we go out of our way to give it to her.
If closeness forms the basis of friendship, it stands to reason that your best friend would be someone with whom you enjoy supersized intimacy.
Our friends are there for us through thick and thin, but rarely cross the line: A friend with too many opinions about our wardrobe, our partner, or our taste in movies and art may not be a friend for long.
When someone embodies the rules—instinctually—their friendships are abundant indeed.
I became what I thought was friends with another assistant, who worked, as I did, for an infamously bad-tempered agent. Our camaraderie was fierce, like that of soldiers during wartime.
Then she found a new job working for a publicist down the street. In lieu of complaining about our bosses, I told her about my concerns that I wasn't ready to move in with my boyfriend.
Once a friendship is established through self-disclosure and reciprocity, the glue that binds is intimacy.
According to Fehr's research, people in successful same-sex friendships seem to possess a well-developed, intuitive understanding of the give and take of intimacy.
With intriguing accuracy, sociologists and psychologists have delineated the forces that attract and bind friends to each other, beginning with the transition from acquaintanceship to friendship.
They've traced the patterns of intimacy that emerge between friends and deduced the once ineffable "something" that elevates a friend to the vaunted status of "best." These interactions are minute but profound; they are the dark matter of friendship.
Later the researcher approached some of them and explained he'd actually used his own money and had little left; could he have the money back? Later, the researchers found, those asked to do the favor rated the researcher more favorably than those not approached.