We all just want to be our harmless selves in peace, don’t we?
My partner of seven years wasn’t so crazy about non-monogamy when I first expressed a desire for it.
The success of mono/poly relationships depends on both partners accepting and respecting each other as individuals with different emotional needs.
With that said, the wife of my ex admitted to me that though her feelings of jealousy have waned, they never completely died and continue to occasionally pang at her soul.
She just learned how to deal with those uncomfortable emotions without taking it out on either of us.
Monogamous people not only need to accept that their poly partners love other people, but they have to become comfortable with the fact that they’re not their partner’s “one and only true love.” It often requires a substantial amount of emotional labor for a monogamous person to become comfortable with the mere thought of their lover being with someone else. My strong sense of security is founded in bulletproof trust. I don’t mind him dating other people because his love for them casts no shade on his love for me.
If you don’t want to put that effort it, that’s understandable, and a mono/mono relationship is probably your best bet. I don’t care if my partner hooks up with a babe at the party we both attend and then takes her out the next day. When you’re content with your partner being polyamorous, you’ll fully trust that they love you no matter how many other partners they have.
The good news is that monogamous people can enjoy fulfilling relationships with polyamorous people.
The bad news is that mono/poly relationships are not easy.
If a monogamous person cannot foresee themselves ever coming to terms with the wild ride of polyamory, they should reconsider.
Sure, poly people might experience lulls in our love lives for the same reasons as other people: not meeting anyone we fancy, being overwhelmed by other responsibilities, health problems.
More on that later.) A monogamist in a relationship with a poly person must come to terms with the following realities: Polyamory is my natural love-style and my lifestyle reflects it.