I’m talking about internet dating, of course, where millions of singletons (and quite a few marrieds on the make) line up to be selected and rejected in a process that has become Britain’s most popular way for couples to get together. Too young for the dinner party set, too old to be hanging out at nightclubs, it seemed like a hopeless cause until a friend of a similar age took me out and confessed her dirty little secret: she’d started to meet men online.
Over half of all single people turn to the internet in their search for love. I never did and I’ve never met anyone it has worked for either. She imparted this information in hushed tones, without making eye contact, and then, on pain of death, swore me to secrecy.
I carefully chose photos that I felt most accurately captured my essence. Instead, by linking the app to Facebook, your suitors have to be within your network or a friend of a friend.
I wanted to say to the world: I'm active and fit, career-oriented, I appreciate a nice pair of heels, and I'm a fan of sarcasm and quick wit. Which means, if absolutely necessary, you could theoretically hunt down that mutual friend to provide a character witness for an upcoming date.
So if an out of app connection is to be made, it has to happen within the 8 days that the chat room is open. If by chance you don’t love the options presented, you can visit the "Give & Take" section of the app.
There, you can view other eligible bachelors and either claim them for yourself using "beans" (the in-app currency accumulated through various social media sharing or inviting friends to the app) or forward a match along to a friend who might be interested.
Everyday at noon you receive a "bagel," which is a curated match that you share mutual Facebook friends with. I was no longer sifting through endless streams of men.
It came down to a simple "yes" or "no" to the match provided and I merrily carried on with my day.
Once you have mutually "liked" each other, a chat room opens for digital sweet nothings to be exchanged.
But, there's one catch: These chat rooms come with an expiration date.
The virtual world, that is, not the real world — don’t be daft: men like that were all snapped up years ago. I was single and not in bad nick, but working long hours in a female-dominated environment meant I never got to meet anyone.
Well, don’t — because, ladies, the world is full of handsome, charming men with six-figure salaries, who are all queuing up to commit to people just like you. It was 14 years ago, when I was 30, that I first tried online dating.
But in the name of Bridget Jones and my try-anything-once mentality, I decided to give it a try.